It's funny how sometimes when you really need a little perspective, it comes to you in an unexpected place. I got an email today from a friend . Here is the quote she sent me-
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7
The funny part is this friend had no idea what has been going on the last couple of days, so it must have been divine intervention.
I have to admit, for the first time in many months, I was having a little pity party this morning. Let me explain.....
Yesterday, Calee had that follow-up eye appointment I had mentioned in my last post. She and I both went to our regular eye doctor last week, to get a check and some new glasses. The doctor said he saw something in Calee's eye, and that he wanted us to have it looked at by a retinal specialist. He called it "micro aneurysms", he said he just wasn't 100% sure what it was, and would feel better giving us the referral.
To make a long story short, we went to the retinal specialist yesterday and he was very concerned. Calee has some blood filled pockets on the back of her left eye. He called them cysts, sacs and blisters....he simply wasn't sure what to call them They kept asking us if she has had an eye injury, which she has not. The doctor said he was baffled and needed to consult his partners and some colleagues. This doctor was extremely thorough, and he kept us there about 3 hours doing tests. We gave him our entire family medical history, and he was particularly interested in a blood disorder I carry.
We go back in 2 weeks to regroup and see what he finds out.
Here is the good news-----its not affecting her vision at all. It could be something she was just born with that no doctor has picked up on before. It also could have been from some strange infection she had that had no symptoms. It is scary---and nerve racking. The hard part about the whole thing was how upset Calee was. She is old enough to understand when things are serious, and the doctor was very honest in front of her. It was a lot for a 10 year old to take in....it was a lot for me, a 32 year old to take in too! After Calee calmed down last night she looked at me and said, "Mama, sometimes I guess life is just full of bumps in the road and we have to drive through them" I thought that was pretty insightful.
On top of this my mom had another surgery this morning. It was minor, and she is doing fine, but I wasn't able to be there and it bothers me not to be there for her. She is always there for us.
My only other complaint is dealing with Cohen's SSI. Cohen has SSI Disability as a secondary insurance (after our primary) due to his birth weight, the G tube, and just all his little issues. I can honestly say I have NEVER, ever been more frustrated with an agency in my life. The policy has been screwed up from the beginning and I can't ever seem to get it fixed. I literally spent 4 hours last week on the phone trying to get them to change our address and Cohen's address to the same one. They apparently think he lives somewhere else? I called today to make sure the "glitch" had been corrected. After spending 37 minutes waiting on hold, I got a rude, not helpful woman on the phone. Ovcourse the address was not fixed, and the woman was no help at all. I hung up feeling helpless-----and I hate that. I am truly at a loss with this and I guess I will just have to go there in person.
So, all in all, I have been a little stressed the last few days.
I know that life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. I know that things will work out, one way or another. I know that my expectations aren't always the reality. I know I can't be in control all the time. All of this I know. It's what I don't know that scares me-
It took me until about 2:30 p.m., but I finally put on my big girl panties and dried it up. No use worrying about everything that is going wrong. I am vowing to focus on all that is right....before I go nuts!
Thank you for reading this rant of a blog, and I am thankful for each of you and the friendship and love you give to my family. We are headed to Vandy with Cohen for a full day of appointments in the morning. I will let you know what we find out.