January 31st

We finally got back down to Nashville this morning to see Baby Cohen. The roads were still pretty dicey, but we made it just fine.
Cohen was doing great! I couldn't believe how much bigger he looked in just over a day. His cheeks are really filling out, making him look like a little chipmunk. I asked our nurse to give me a guess of how much longer he would be in the hospital, she said 30-45 more days. I know this is just a guess, but I felt like I had no clue about him possibly coming home. Today was his 40th day in the NICU. It has flown by already.

Justin and I have been making friends with several of the other parents in the NICU. I think we all feel some sort of kindred spirit as we go through the ups and downs of this process. One of the couples we met are taking home their baby girl this week after over 2 months in NICU. We are thrilled for them. Another couple we have spent time talking with lost their precious little boy yesterday. I am so sad for them I can hardly breathe. They are wonderful parents that have spent every waking moment at his side the last 3 weeks. The little boy was right next to Cohen. Please join us in praying for this sweet couple and their family. May God give them strength and understanding in the time to come.

I am reminded again today how extremely blessed we are to have Cohen. Justin and I have vowed to honor this family and their little boy's short life by being the absolute best parents to Cohen that we can be. I know that we have been forever changed over the last 40 days, and I hope we can come out of this stronger, better , more loving parents.

Love and blessings to all of you on this day.

January 30th

With all the snow and ice we have here at home, we didn't chance the trip to Nashville today. I know it was for the best, but I hate not being able to see our precious boy. Thank goodness our awesome primary nurse Meredith is there this weekend, so I know he is taken care of by someone who loves him. She is such a blessing in our lives. I don't know how we would be getting through this without her.

Cohen had another good day, they turned his vapotherm down to 3 liters of flow! It makes me a nervous wreck every time they turn him down, but I am so grateful for the progress. He has rested and taken his feedings well. Thank God for another positive day for Cohen.

We did have a great day today too, even though we didn't see baby Cohen. Some special friends came over to play in the snow and brought us an amazing dinner. Calee and I also baked homemade cinnamon rolls this afternoon, we had fun making a mess in the kitchen, and they turned out great!

We hope to get to Nashville tomorrow, we are praying for clear, scraped roads!

January 29th

Well, I was determined to get to Nashville this morning to see Cohen, despite the weather....but I turned back halfway, defeated. I saw so many cars in the ditch and wrecks I figured I better be safe than sorry.
I really missed seeing his sweet face today.
I think it must have given him a chance to rest though! He has had a great day! We have been calling every couple of hours to get reports, and they have been good all day.
The BIG news I wanted to share with you is Cohen's weight gain. Last night he weighed 3 lbs 10 1/4 ounces!!!!!! He will be 4 lbs in no time! I think this is a great indication that he is feeling better.

Even though we couldn't be with Cohen today, I am so thankful he has had a good day and made more progress toward going home.

Hope lots of you are enjoying the big snow!

January 28th

Cohen has been able to stay on 3.5 liters of flow for over 24 hours...yay! I was afraid the doctor was going to turn him back up to 4 today, but he didn't, thankfully. He was having alot of minor spells when I was there today. Nothing too serious, but just up and down. The nurse he had today mentioned she thinks he is ready to try a bottle, since he has been sucking on his pacifier some. This will be a huge step toward coming home. They say some babies take to the bottle with ease, others have a terrible time. We are hoping for the easy!
Calee is celebrating the news that schools out for snow tomorrow. I am glad they are out, but am hoping for clear roads to Nashville! Hope you all have a great weekend, snow or not!

January 27th

Another big step for Cohen today. They moved his vapotherm from 4.0 liters of flow to 3.5!! His supplemental oxygen has stayed on 21% (room air) most of the day. He has "cycled" a little more, meaning his saturation/breathing rates have gone up and down, but not enough to count as a spell. A couple of weeks ago I was so excited he was down to 5! Look at him now! We are so excited and pray he has a good night with his new settings.
He also gained some weight tonight, he is up to 3lb 8 ounces! He is eating an ounce of breastmilk every 3 hours.....over 8 ounces a day! I know this doesn't sound like much, but considering where he started this is great.
Got to hold the sweet little man again today. He seemed so much bigger! Can't wait to get to Nashville in the morning to see him again.

I went to back to church tonight for the first time since Cohen has been born. It was great to see everybody, but it also made me a little sad....I just wish Cohen could have been there to meet everyone. I remember how fun it was when we took Ames the first time. I guess it will just be that much sweeter when we do get to take Cohen.
Hope to have more good news tomorrow! Love to all.

January 26th

Sorry I didn't get an update posted yesterday. We visited Cohen late,so by the time we gathered everyone and got them home we were exhausted! We are trying to get back to some sort of schedule this week, as much as we can.

Cohen's blood work came back good, he was semi-low on his red blood count, but they are going to hold off on another transfusion for a few more days, to see if he can recover it on his own, now that he is bigger. He did lose some weight last night, for the first time in over 2 weeks. They assured us this is perfectly normal.

When I called this morning the nurse said he had 2 back to back spells in the night. It seems like the spells are more frequent and worse at night. I don't know if it has to do with sleep cycles or what, but I am still hanging on to the hope he will outgrow them soon!

Justin and I both got to hold him again last night, and he was awake! He looked back and forth between us as we talked to him. I love seeing his little eyes focus on us. I am still so thankful every time they put him in my arms.....he is such a blessing. I have realized its harder to leave him after we get to hold him. I think its because every time we hold him we feel more bonded. I also realize how tiny he still is! I can still easily hold him with one hand.

Hope you all have a great day! I know all my school buddies are excited snow is back in the forecast!!

January 24th

Cohen has been a sleepy boy today. He was as tired today as he was wide awake yesterday. He has only had one apnea "spell" today so far, so that is a little better. He seems to have the "spells" more after he has eaten. I guess he gets his belly full and it makes him too tired to worry about breathing!
The doctor made just a few changes today, upping his feeding amount a little and ordering some bloodwork for the morning. I am anxious to see if he will need another blood transfusion this week. It won't surprise me at all if he gets one.

We have had a good weekend and are ready to start another week. I used to wish for the weekends to go by slow, but now I wish for time to carry on so Cohen can get closer to coming home.

Hope you all have a good week. Will update tomorrow on the bloodwork.

January 23rd

Today has been a little better. Cohen is still having some trouble with his apnea (stops in breathing), but other than that he is improving. We hope all these apnea spells will be gone by 34 weeks.....that is just 2 weeks away. They tell us some of these things just "magically disappear" at 34 weeks. I sure hope they are right.

The criteria for holding is 4.0 liters of flow on the vapotherm, and despite everything over the last few days, Cohen has stayed on that setting....so we are getting to hold him lots more. It is spectacular! His eyes were wide open the whole time Justin and I held him today. It's so fun to see him awake! Most preemies sleep 23 hours a day, so we were lucky to get this peek at his eyes!

We have been able to spend some time with a couple of old friends this week, Dee and Jen. They are dear friends that we don't get to see as often as we like. Calee is spending the night with them tonight, and she is thrilled. As most of you know, I did not grow up in this area, so getting to spend time with people I have known my entire life is not an everyday thing. I love reminiscing and talking about old times. It's been a joy.

Thank you all for your hope and prayers. No matter if you are an old or a new friend, we love you all and thank you for caring about our family.

January 22nd

Sorry I haven't written in a couple of days. This week has been a whirlwind of activities for us. If I had written yesterday, I would have said it was Cohen's best day yet. He was doing absolutely phenomenal!Justin even got to hold him! It was a wonderful moment.
What a difference a day can make.
About 5 a.m Cohen had a serious "spell". He completely stopped breathing and his heartrate dropped to almost 0. They had to "bag" him to resuscitate. They have not had to do this since his first night in the hospital. He has been having spells all day since this. The later ones have not been quite as bad, but still pretty serious.
The doctor is not sure why he has suffered this setback. We all thought he had really turned a corner this week. Hopefully with growth and maturity he will outgrow this..and soon! We have been nervous all day. Justin and I are staying in Nashville tonight so we can spend extra time with Cohen...and mostly to ease our fears.

He is continuing his weight gain trend, which is good news. He is 3 lbs 6 ounces as of tonight. They are checking his blood levels to see if he needs another transfusion. The nurse thought the sudden spells could be an indication of low red blood cells, a common preemie problem.
Please continue to pray for Cohen and his progress. We know better days are ahead.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

I can't believe I have failed to mention this big news...the night nurse just reminded me about it when I called to check on him.
Cohen already ROLLS OVER! I know, I know, he is just so advanced.(haha)...its amazing! I guess its pretty easy when you only weigh 2 or 3 lbs! Big Ames didn't roll over until like 4 months!
Cohen rolled over a couple of weeks ago when I was there and I thought maybe it was a fluke, but he's done it several times now. It's so funny, seeing him haul his little self over to the side he wants!

Well, I'm off to document this advanced event in his baby book so I will be able to revel in it for years to come! You know how proud moms are!

January 20th

Baby Cohen is a month old today!!! I truly can't believe it has been a month since his wild and crazy arrival. He has come so far in the 30 days since he was born. I am so proud of him. I hope that he continues to progress and hopefully be closer to coming home in 30 more days!
The doctor adjusted his vapotherm from 4.5 liters of flow to 4.0 this morning. So far, he is doing well with the change. We are keeping our fingers crossed for a good night. He also increased his feeding amounts to 28ml of breast milk every 3 hours. That is almost an ounce every feeding. We hope that in 2 or 3 more weeks they will start trying to bottle feed him, so he can have his feeding tube removed. This will be a HUGE step toward coming home.
Thank you for your love and support over the last month, and before Cohen's arrivial. We are so thankful for Cohen and can't wait to bring him home and never put him down!!!!

January 18th

I finally bit the bullet and drove myself to Nashville today. I know, I know, I am not supposed to drive for 6 weeks, but really, who has 6 weeks to wait? Anyway, Baby Cohen was about the same today. Still on 4.5 liters of flow, but using a bit less supplemental oxygen. I know I sound like a broken record, but he just looks better. He is a healthier color, and just seems happier....except about 10 a.m. everyday when he throws his daily fit! I don't know if he is hungry or what, but he really gets mad. It's actually great to see him act so feisty, makes me think he feels better.
After visiting Cohen, I went to MTSU to watch Calee in her 1st 4-H hog show....and she was AWESOME! She won Grand and Reserve Champion for Rutherford County! AT HER FIRST SHOW! I am sooooooo proud of her....tomorrow she will compete in the regional show, and Wednesday in the state show. No matter how she does in the other shows, she had a great time today. She also had a pretty big cheering section!
It was a good day for our family and I am thankful for the joys we shared.

January 17th

Justin's mom and I made the trip to see Baby Cohen today. She hadn't seen him in a while (she is usually stuck watching Ames so we can visit) and she was so excited to see how great he looked. She thought he had really grown and changed. It was good to have an opinion from someone that hasn't see him everyday, to really notice the progress he has made.
He is still on 4.5 liters of flow, and anywhere from 21-28% supplemental oxygen. He had a few small spells while we were visiting him. The nurse was making him lay on his back, which he really hates! He wants to be on his tummy all the time, but they have to move him in different positions for a certain amount of time during the day. All in all, Cohen had a good day. We are so thankful for his progress.

Justin and Calee stayed home today as they are busy preparing for the state market hog show this week. This is Calee's first year to show hogs in 4-H. She is really excited, but a little nervous too. Hopefully Sassy and Jellybean will do a great job for Calee at the show!

I also wanted to give a quick update on Lulu and her surgery. She has done GREAT! She is starting her physical therapy tomorrow and I think she will be back to normal in no time! The kids and I really miss her, so we will be glad when she can travel to see us again. Ames is so cute talking to her on the phone...he mostly just yells "hello!" and "Lulu", but its still pretty cute.

Hope you have all had a good weekend...I will update you on Cohen and Calee's show tomorrow.

January 16th

Cohen took a few "baby" steps today. They moved his vapotherm down from 5 to 4.5. He immediately took offense and starting dropping his saturation rates causing him to have "spells". They turned up his supplemental oxygen to help him get used to the change. Hopefully he will tolerate the change and not have to go back up, but only time will tell.
We are excited that Cohen has started to gain weight. At one point he lost down to 2lbs 6 ounces. Today he is up to 3lbs 3 ounces! We are so excited about this! This is one of the big keys to him being strong enough to get well and come home!

Speaking of this, lots of people have been asking me when he will be able to come home. I wish I knew the answer to this! The only estimate the doctors have given us is around his due date (March 17th). Some of the nurses have mentioned it could be longer, due to all the complications with his little lungs. We just want him to be healthy and well...he has already shown us he can do it, just on his own terms! I don't know where he gets his stubborn streak!

Hard to believe Cohen will be a month old this week. We are so thankful for all his progress and all he has taught us already.

January 15th

I am feeling very lucky today. I had a "right place, right time" moment this morning. Justin and I took Ames with us to the hospital today. We took turns staying with him in the waiting room while the other visited Cohen.
When I went in, Cohen had apparently has an explosive diaper that caused his bed to need changing. His nurse was about to ask another nurse to hold him while she changed it..then POOF, I walked in! Perfect timing. I got to hold the little man for about 15 minutes. I even got to kiss his little forehead! It was great. I cried less this time, and he had his eyes open the whole time. I did feel a little guilty, being that this is my 2nd time to hold him, and Justin hasn't gotten too yet..but like I said, it was just timing. I have never been so grateful for an exploding diaper! Way to help Mommy out Cohen!

Cohen is still sitting at 5 liters of flow, with a few spells during the day and night. Hopefully he will get over this "hurdle" soon and move down on the vapotherm. The doctor joked with me today that "he can't go to Kindergarten with the nasal cannula!"(vapotherm)

My mom is also doing great with her recovery. Thank you for the prayers for all of our family. Love to you all!

January 14th

It has been a really good day for our family. Cohen looked so great today when Justin and I visited. The blood transfusion has really improved his color. He is doing well at 5 liters of flow. They even moved him down to 4.5 liters for a few hours, but went back up to 5 to make sure he isn't working his little lungs too hard. We had hoped to hold him again today, but the nurse thought it would be best to wait a few more days.
My mom is feeling good after surgery. She feels much better today that we expected she would. I have been able to talk to her several times, so that has helped me to feel better. Hopefully after 3 or 4 days she will be able to go home. I am proud of her. She is a trooper. Maybe that's where Cohen gets it!
Calee has joined the dance "troupe" at the studio where she takes musical theatre. She is so excited about this, I can't even tell you. I love seeing her so happy. She has struggled and been so worried the last few weeks, its so nice to see her be a "kid" and enjoy things again. Justin and I are trying hard to reassure her that everything with Cohen will work out, but she's old enough to realize how serious things have been .
Today has been a happy day, and I am so grateful for it. Thank you all for taking time to read the blog, and to be such good friends to us. We realize how lucky we are to have such amazing family and friends.

January 13th

My visit with Cohen today was a good one. My sweet neighbor Joanna drove me to Nashville to see him today, since I still haven't driven. The doctor turned his vapotherm back down to 5 liters of flow this morning, to see how he does. So far, so good! He had only 2 spells all day, which is not too bad. He had his eyes open and seemed more alert today. Hopefully the blood transfusion gave him a little more energy and pep. I had a hard time leaving him today, I guess because he was wide awake looking at me!
I have been feeling pretty torn all day. My mom ,"LuLu" had surgery in Knoxville today. She did well and is still just tired and groggy tonight. I did get to talk to her, so that made me feel better. I just hate I can't be there to help her recover. I am a little overwhelmed thinking both Mom and Cohen are in the hospital. Please pray for both Mom and Cohen for fast, safe recoveries. Even though I can't be with them all the time, my heart is with them.

A Good Fit....

The last few weeks have been a myriad of new information, new doctors and new nurses in the NICU. Justin and I are still learning so much. Let me explain some of what we have learned about the inner workings of NICU. The nurses work 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts. If a nurse takes an special interest in your baby, they can sign up to be his "primary" nurse. This means any day they work they have your baby. We are so lucky to have had Meredith sign up to be Cohen's primary. We adore her! She is extremely knowledgeable, but also kind and compassionate. We also have a nurse named Stacie who signed up to be Cohen's "secondary" nurse, meaning anytime Meredith is not working, then Stacie is with him. Stacie has a special place in my heart, since she was Cohen's nurse his first night in the NICU. She was so kind to Justin and I...she also has bright red hair! When they took me in on the stretcher to see Cohen the first night, ( I was still pretty out of it from surgery) I remember seeing her red hair and thinking it was a good omen! Funny, but that really comforted me that night!
Now, about the doctors. There are 6 Neonatologists that work at the hospital. They work 3 weeks on and 3 weeks off. The first week they work on the floor, rounding on all the babies already in NICU, the second week they work on new babies in the delivery room, and the third week they are on call for baby emergencies. So far, we have met 5 of the 6 doctors. We thought they all seemed fine. We had one we liked pretty well, we had one who was really negative, one who was indifferent, and one who just said "I don't know" all the time. In my mind I compare them to shoes...I have several pair that I wear and like, but they are not my favorite or most comfortable. Finally, today I felt like we found the right "fit". He gave us a new perspective on Cohen and his challenges. He was positive,yet realistic. He has been practicing for 35 years, 27 of those in this hospital. I guess the bottom line is he just encouraged us, and I think we really needed to hear it. I am so thankful for this man, and what he does. I feel like my son in safe in his care. This is a great feeling.
Cohen was doing well today, still hanging out at 6 liters of flow and room air. He did have to get another blood transfusion today (which we expected), they had to put the I.V. in his head, which was really pitiful. We are thankful for today, and all the milestones Cohen had accomplished so far. I am so proud of him already!
Thanks for taking the time to read about our little miracle boy! We can't wait for you all to meet and love him too!

Worth the Wait!!!!!

Justin and I went to the hospital early this morning and stayed all day. We were casually chatting with the doctor this afternoon and I mentioned I would be glad when we could hold Cohen. She just said "You can hold him now if you want too." She told the nurse and the next thing we knew I was HOLDING OUR SON!!!!! I just don't think words can describe the joy in my heart when they put him in my arms. Justin and Dr. Haynes joked that if I didn't stop crying so hard they were going to put him back in the crib. I just could not help myself. He is the most precious, sweet little thing I have ever seen (or held!!).
When Ames was born, the doctor put him in my arms literally the minute he was delivered. I guess we pretty much held him for the next 6 months. I took for granted this simple blessing. Not being able to hold Cohen for the last 19 days has been hard. I will never again take this for granted. I am so grateful that God gave us this moment today. I am still walking on air. We stopped on the way home and bought a baby book so I could record this amazing event!!!
Cohen was turned down to 5 liters of flow on the vapotherm Saturday morning around 11 a.m. He did pretty well all day yesterday and last night. This morning when we got there he started having "spells". He had 5 within 1 hour this morning, so they had to increase his flow back to 6. We were pretty discouraged by this. That is one of the reasons it was so shocking we held him today. He is not progressing as fast as the doctors would like. They hoped the holding might stimulate him a bit. They said we might be able to hold him 2-3 times a week. If this doesn't work, they will run more tests to to rule out some other issues with his brain and his swallowing abilities. Our hope is that he is just little and taking his sweet time.
All in all, it was a wonderful day. We are taking things one day at a time and are so grateful for today.
Thank you for all your support and encouragements. We love you all dearly.

January 7th

Justin and I braved the weather and made it to Nashville to see our baby boy. I am thankful the snow was less impressive than predicted. We spent the morning hanging out with Calee and Ames, and the afternoon visiting Cohen. He was having another good day, he is still on 6 liters of flow with the vaoptherm, but his supplememtal oxygen is at 21 (which is regular room air). We were a little surprised the doctor didn't turn down his flow to 5, but thankful all the same for a comfortable day for him. He seemed happier today, or just less stressed I think.

The last few weeks I have been reminded how lucky we are, and how truly fragile life is. The little boy I asked you to pray for last night did not survive. When we walked in the NICU today, we saw his little crib was empty. The nurse let us know they were not able to save him. I ask you again to pray for this family. I cannot imagine the sorrow and loss they are feeling. I pray God can comfort them during this time.

Our love to you and your family tonight.

January 6th

I am feeling more like myself today....not sure if this is a good or bad thing! My mind is running in a million directions.
First of all, let me pass along some excellent news. The pediatric orthopedist came by to consult on Cohen's legs and feet today. Let me quote him...."You will be chasing him around the house in no time!" He basically said his problems are from being small and underdeveloped, and it didn't look like anything that won't be fixed with time, and possibly a cast later on. We are so thankful for this news. I know I said we were not that worried about his feet, considering everything else he had to contend with, but I think I was lying a little bit. I just hated to think once he got through fighting for his health, he would then have something else to battle.

Cohen basically had a stable day. They left him on 6 liters of flow per minute, and he is happy there. I am sure they will push him more tomorrow. He also got rid of his "billy light" (for jaundice) today, and so he got to take off his big sunglasses. We really got to study his little face and eyes. He looks so much more like Ames than I thought...especially with his hair turning more red every day. So funny to think both the boys may be redheads! I love it!

The NICU was not all great news and sunshine today. Another little boy was born early today and became Cohen's neighbor. He is very sick, and the respiratory therapist that was with me when Cohen was born said his illness reminded her alot of our sweet boy. Please pray for this family and little boy. I know they are scared to death and struggling tonight. I don't know their name or anything about this family, but I know how hard it is to be in this position. It was just 2 weeks ago tonight that we were right there. I am so thankful for the last 2 weeks with our son. I pray he continues to grow and develop and become a healthy little boy! We can't wait to chase him around the house!

January 5th

I knew better than to blog last night! Baby Cohen had a hard day. He did so well yesterday they turned down his vapotherm from 6 liters per minute to 5 liters this morning. He made it about 2 hours and then his saturation levels bottomed out. They moved him back up to 6 and added more supplemental oxygen. So, we are back where we started originally on the vapotherm. He seems pretty comfortable at 6 liters, so maybe this is as high as he will have to go.
When his saturation level drops, he turns a shade of blue. It's pretty terrible, but again they assure us this is just what happens with babies that come 3 months early.

Justin and I have been so blessed to be able to spend time with Cohen everyday since he has been born. Those of you that know us well, know we try to find some humor in our lives no matter what the situation (this is just how we cope). As we sit and spend many hours in the NICU with Cohen, we look out the window below and stare at the view of Krispy Kreme Donuts. We are highly aware of when the "red light" illuminates. You can even smell the donuts....I am not kidding, you really can! Needless to say, we have drowned our sorrows in donuts more that enough! If anyone needs a dozen or two, let us know and we will bring them home for you!!

Thank you for your continued prayers for Cohen. We are just so in love with him already, and can't wait to share him with all of you.

January 4th

I am hesitant to post anything today, I feel like every time I say we have gone forward we then go back the next day. Hopefully we can break this trend.

Cohen has had a much better day. More stable on his oxygen and less "spells". It was much easier to be at the hospital today...much less stress and nervousness. I am sure tomorrow the doctor will turn his vapotherm down....I have mixed feelings about this. I know he has to be pushed, but I hate seeing him go up and down. I like when he is at ease and calm.
Justin changed his diaper today. We are gradually getting more comfortable touching and moving him. He is just so tiny---and all those wires make diaper changing tough!

Calee goes back to school tomorrow and we will try to get in some sort of a more normal routine. I think it will be good for us all.
I have been watching the weather today and see that snow is in the forecast. I usually am nuts about wanting it to snow. I am worse than Calee about hoping for snow days! Now, I am terrified it will snow us in!! I am praying we will be able to get to Nashville to see Cohen. I may be calling 911 to take me if it gets too bad!

Everyday when I check my email or open my mail I am reminded about what amazing family and friends we have. Thank you all so much. We love you!

January 3rd

Not much has changed since my last blog. Cohen is still going up and down on his vapotherm and oxygen supplements. He is going to have some treatments with the respiratory therapist to try and help break up some of the congestion in his lungs. He has has this before with some success, so we are hopeful it can help him again.

I don't think I have mentioned the NICU visitation policy yet. During cold/flu/rsv season no one 18 and under can be admitted. Justin's parents, sister and my mom are the only ones that have been allowed back.(they give you 4 passes for "support people") They are extremely strict about this---no exceptions. Trust me, I have tried to persuade for Calee to just get a glimpse....just one minute, but no luck. This is making Calee nuts, she just wants to see baby Cohen so badly. Those of you that know Calee know what a mother hen she is!I feel so sorry for her, not getting to see him. The thought of having to wait 3 months or more to meet her brother is so tough.
I have faith that we will get through this and come out a stronger family.
Thanks again for all of your love, prayers and support.

January 1st

Cohen is a small amount better today. He is having a few less spells and was more stable in his breathing while we were there. The changes are so small you have to really look to see them-
We went to the hospital early this morning and stayed until they closed at 12:30. (the NICU closes from 6-8 am and pm and 12:30-1:30 am and pm) We had to come home to take care of some things this afternoon. Leaving him is still so hard. I feel torn trying to spend as much time as possible with Cohen, and balancing time with Calee and Ames. I don't want to neglect anyone. I know we will get in a more normal routine when the holidays are over, and hopefully it will get easier.
It has been nice to spend the evening with Justin, Calee and Ames. My prayer today is that we will have our complete family home soon. I know it will take time--but I am already dreaming about it!

Happy New Year to you all.